Matthew 2024

Matthew chapter 19 verses 1 to 15.

Okay. Reading from verse 1. When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan, large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some pharisees home to him to test him. They asked, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?

Haven't you read? Lied, that at the beginning, the creator made the male and female and said, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the 2 will become on flesh. So they're no longer 2, but 1 flesh. Therefore, what god has joined together, let no 1 separate. Why then?

They asked? Did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away. Jesus replied, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hot. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for ****** immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.

The disciple said to him, if this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry. Jesus replied, not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others. And there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Them, the 1 who can accept this should accept it.

Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them, but the disciples rebuked them Jesus said, let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there. Thank you, Anne. Thank you, Tom. My name is Pete Woodcock.

I'm 1 1 of the members of the staff here, and, we've been going through Matthew's gospel. And, like we said this morning, you know, we, we, we don't we we we don't jump the difficult the difficult, passages, and, this may well be a very difficult, subject. The title I've given this, sermon, is Jesus answers questions about marriage and divorce. And I think it's worth sort of keeping that title in. Jesus answers questions about marriage and divorce.

Latest statistics, published in, 20 22 are that that that there were 80057 divorces granted in England and Wales. It's about 42 percent of marriages, end divorce. Ending divorce in, England and Wales, 42 percent of people that go out of their way to make a public binding commitment. So I would imagine the number of couples who don't make a public commitment that split is is even more. 42 percent of marriages in England Wales end in divorce It's a statistic, isn't it?

But it's just a statistic. It's a cold figure because beneath the rubble of those statistics lie the sort of crushed lives of men and women and children very often, thousands of them. The pain of divorce is often unbearable. If you talk to anyone that's going through it or has gone through it, some would say they'd rather even a death than a divorce. Because it's it's so difficult.

Because when it comes down to it, the word divorce is just a fancy word for a broken relationship, isn't it? It's just a fancy word for brokenness between 2 people report. Divorce is more than separating assets, dividing belongings. It's it's it's actually dealing with deep feelings, profound feelings, where people have had close, the closest intimacy, and they're broken up. So the end of a marriage is 1 of the most emotional, painful things humans can go through.

It really is. Level of rage and vindictiveness and grief and despair. They can be really, really high. Can't they? And we know that in divorce.

So it's not just a word. It's not just a statistic. It's the wrenching of relational, life of well, it's trauma. It's it's deep psychological trauma. And it affects not just a couple, doesn't it?

As I said, it already affects the children, but it can go bigger than that. The grandparents, the parents, the cousins, the nieces, you know, it thousands upon thousands of people can be affected by a divorce. It had a profound it has a profound effect on us, and perhaps more profound than we really know in this country. Financially. I mean, 1 of the reasons why we have so few houses is because homes have split up and you need more than 1 home for 1 family.

So financially, emotionally, morally, spiritually, socially, criminally divorce affects us. So what does Jesus say to our world that has this hurt and this pain? What does Jesus have to say about marriage and divorce? And remarriage. Now, can I just say this right up front?

This is a tough subject, and I guess everyone in this room has felt something of a divorce. What does Jesus say about, marriage and divorce and and remarriage. As I say, I wanna be upfront. Those of you that are going through it or been through it, you're very welcome in this church, and, I I don't want you to feel unwelcoming in, in, in, in any way. And although the word of god will reveal some painful things, maybe we'll reverse some painful things and put the finger on some sore spots, it's always for our healing.

God speaks to us for our healing, not just to condemn us, and not just to ruin us. And sometimes we just simply need to know how far we've fallen from god and our responsibility in that falling. May be in in divorce, to see how wonderful god is in coming to rescue us. Sometimes we just need to know how big our sin is to see how big god is as a savior, and that in itself does us good. It really does.

The other thing I need to say is I can't say everything on this subject. We're only gonna look at a few verses in Matthew. I will bring in some other verses. And that they're quite short, but there's been volumes, written on this. I mean, volume after volume have been, written on on this subject, and I can't read it all.

And I can't understand it all, and I'm just having a go at this. But we need to have a look at this. And, we need to discuss this in good, in good way. And I think we might have some people that will disagree with some of my the where I land. That's okay.

So here's my first point then looking at Matthew 19. Are you ready? Hot evening? Let's get our minds into this. First point, the context.

The context of Jesus talking about marriage and divorce. What's the context? What's the context of this teaching? Really important, I think. The context is little ones.

The context is, what I've been saying in the last 2 sermons. So if you haven't heard them, you do need to hear them, on, on Matthew 18. The context is that Jesus is talking about little ones. So at the beginning of this section, the disciples come to Jesus and ask in chapter 18 verse 1, who then is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Who then is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?

And Jesus then brings a little child into the discussion, as we've been seeing in these last 2 sermons, and he says, actually, you can't even enter the kingdom of heaven unless you convert and be like a child. You wanna be great in the kingdom of heaven, then you've be got to become a nothing. You've gotta have no rights. Stop demanding your rights, he's saying. Be a servant.

And then there's a whole load of, stories, and things that he says to illustrate that. Don't cause a little 1 to sin, he says. You know, you'd be better to cut your right arm off. Than to sin yourself and cause a little 1 to sin. Don't despise a little 1, he says.

He says then go after a little 1. If they wander away, go after and try and bring them back like a lost sheep. And then he says, forgive a little 1. Remember how much you've been forgiven by Christ, then you forgive. Now all of that's gone before this little section on divorce and marriage and remarriage.

Yeah. But after, just see now the sandwich that divorce is in the middle of. After, look at chapter 19 verses thirteenth to fifth 15. This is the next thing after the divorce passage, and it's little children again. Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them.

But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them. For the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. When the, when he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there. So the disciples has not learned their lesson about little children.

They're stopping children coming to Jesus And Jesus is saying, Hey, no, no, no, no, let the little children come to me. So the context is little children. Do you see what I mean? At the beginning and at the end, and divorce is sandwiched between those things. Really important this context.

Yeah. And then of course the next story after the little children in chapter 19 is the rich young ruler. They allow him to come to Jesus. You see, they're not thinking, kingdom thinking. A rich young ruler can come to Jesus, but little children not.

They hadn't learnt the lesson. Now, in the dialogue, with the pharisees, the religious people about divorce and marriage, who are the little ones then? We've got a little 1 sandwich going on here. So who are the little ones in this dialogue? Who are the little ones in the discussion do you think?

Well, I wanna say it's women. The vulnerable ones. The ones that don't have the rights that men had. So I want to content that the little ones in this dialogue with the pharisees, the vulnerable ones are women. So this religious bunch of men come to talk to Jesus about their wives, they're not thinking, are they?

Of protecting little ones? They're not thinking of caring for the vulnerable. Their attitude is not 1 of Oh, if 1 goes slightly astray, we need to go out of our way and bring them back. They're not thinking of, well, I need to seek forgiveness and reconciliation. They're not thinking of, well, you know, I mustn't despise 1 of these ones.

They're not thinking like that, are they? There are a bunch of men together discussing about their wives. And as I say, remember just before this teaching in Matthew 19, It comes right on the heel of the parable of the unforgiving servant at the end of chapter 18. The implication is that you need to work and pray towards reconciliation and towards restoration it's not easy, it's not an easy thing, as it never is, but because Christ is in you have a go. So there's the context, right?

I I think it basically the context is divorce as possible, but because of the gospel, it's not inevitable. So do do you get that? Everybody awake? Please give me some help here because this is pretty tough. That's the context.

Second then. Second point is the question. Here comes the first question, verse 3. Some of the pharisees, they're the religious leaders, they're all men, came to him to test him. They asked Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?

There's just so much wrong with that, isn't there? I mean, just look at that statement. After all we've heard about the little ones, there is so much wrong with that. Isn't it? Is it possible?

You know, it's just, it's just amazing. Is it lawful, brother, for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? It's just amazing. So they're testing him. Notice that.

It's all just an argument to trap. There's no thought of hurting people. There's no thought of commitment. There's no thought of the the harm that divorce does. There's no thought of any of the pain.

They're just clever theological debates that they want with Jesus. They don't care about what divorce causes. They're not caring about the little ones. They want to look good defending their position before their group of people. We're defending freedom.

We're the ones who really care. And people love this sort of thing when you come to marriage stuff, debating and not thinking about the consequences, not thinking about the hurt and pain, taking a side to make them look good and look clever, but not caring for the vulnerable and the weak and the little ones. They come with testing. They don't come to trust Jesus they come to test Jesus. If you come to test someone, you think you already know what the answer is and you're testing them to see whether they know.

If you come to trust someone, You come to find out, you think that they know the answer, and you come to find out what the answer is, and you'll submit to it. And then look, any and every reason, look at verse 3. Some of the pharisees came to Jesus to test him and they asked, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? I mean, it's a horrific statement. For any and every reason.

I mean, it's extraordinary. That they could think. The subject of divorce, and as we've already seen, the pain and the hurt that it produces, and they're just strutting up with their liberal mindedness, thinking that they're bringing freedom. This is blokes down a pub talking about their wives. And it's just ridiculous.

Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? Extraordinary. Now at that time, There were 2 schools of thought about divorce. 2 different rabbis that were being followed. Rabbi Shamay Shamay and he was strict.

He believed that divorce was only for something like adultery and rabbi Hillel and he was liberal. He believed you could divorce a woman if she'd burnt the dinner or if she was just displeasing to you. And you could, you know, she was a bit annoying. You could divorce her. And guess what was the popular 1?

Rabbi Hillel. But notice, they're just focusing on the Gittel clause the divorce they're focusing on, not the marriage. Some Faraces came to in verse 3 to test him, and they asked, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason. It's the pharisee in us that constantly looks for get out clauses. Just remember that.

Yes, of course, I'm committed. Of course, I do believe in marriage. But what about? That's the big thing you wanna get to. And so often we go to the extreme, any and every, So it's it's a bit like, you know, throwing a net out to get the fish.

You throw it further than your own, you know, where you where you own really believe, and you throw it as far as possible any and every reason so you can pull it in and then get some get out laws along the way. It's a way of getting out of your commitment. People who ask questions not to find out, you know, the answer, but to minimize the requirements, they have that pharisee mind. And, even the ones that believe that divorce shouldn't happen, for only or should only happen for things like adultery, even they look for get out clauses because it goes like this. It's only adultery.

But what is adultery? Define adultery? Yeah? What if neither party of married? Is that adultery?

What if it's the same ***? Is that adultery? What if 1 is married and the other isn't? Is it only adultery for the 1 that's married and not an adultery for the 1 that is married or the other way around? Which 1 is it?

And it's constantly like that. Just talking about subjects for a guitar course. Some of you remember the president of America, Bill Clinton. You remember it. Don't you, some of you?

Alright. I did not have *** with that woman, he said very clearly. I did not have ****** relations with that woman. It was Monasca, Monica Lynninsky. Then it came out, yes, he did have *** with her 12 times, but it wasn't particularly ****** ***********.

It was another form of ***. I did not have *** with her. Well, yeah, only 12 times and it was oral ***. Do you see? The the get out clause?

We we didn't we didn't go the whole way. So it isn't adultery. Now, Jesus wasn't giving out get out clauses because that's not Jesus' way. That's why the disciples are shocked at his teaching in verse 10. Just quickly, we'll come back to verse 10, but quickly look at verse 10.

The disciples said to him, if this is the situation between a husband and a wife, if there's no get out clause, it's better not to marry You see what they're saying? You see, what we should be asking about marriage is not about how we get out of it, how we break the actual, you know, binds that we got into, how we violate the promises that we promised. It's not about how we get out of it, but how we could keep it together, isn't it? Isn't that the question? That's what you should be asking.

Lord marriage is really difficult, and we're going through hard patch, but how do we keep this together? How would you But, no, what's a get out clause? What's a get out clause? So the answer then, that's the question, the answer verses 4 and 5. Haven't you read he replied?

That at the beginning, the creator made them male and female and said, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife and the 2 will become 1 flesh. So they came talking about divorce, and he says, I wanna talk about marriage. Before we can talk about divorce, you've gotta understand what marriage is. Yeah. You wanna talk about divorce.

Let's talk about marriage. Do you really know what marriage is? It's not just 2 people living together. That's not marriage. It's not a house share.

It's not just a partnership. It's not just mates together. Is something much more binding and much more important. It's not just a legal arrangement. Verse 4, haven't you heard?

I I actually think Jesus is pretty angry here. Personally. Haven't you heard? Haven't you heard? Now he's t he's talking to them like naughty children.

Haven't you heard? How dare you come and speak so casually? About breaking this thing up. Look, this is god's design. He says, haven't you read?

Haven't you heard? Haven't you read? Don't you know the scriptures? He replied, that at the beginning, the creator made the male and female, male and female, equal but different. Don't you understand what marriage is about?

Haven't you read Genesis too? For this reason, the man will leave his father and mother and be united with wife and the 2 will become 1 flesh, like 2 pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. They fit together. They're similar, but they're opposites. You can't have them the same.

If the same little jigsaw thi, you know, the little bit of jigsaw puzzle is exactly the same. They don't fit. They gotta be different, but they gotta be similar from the same jigsaw. So they fit together. So it needs to be male and female.

Different ****** identities. And that it works together. And because god has made them like that, that's why a man will leave his incredible family unit, where he's had the biggest relationships with mom and dad and brothers and sisters. He'll leave that family unit to start a new family unit. So god defines marriage.

How dare you come and talk like this? God defines marriage. Haven't you got to that level yet? He made marriage. And and 1 flesh, look 1 flesh, look at verse, 6, so that they no longer, so that they are no longer 2, but 1 flesh, therefore what god has joined together, let no 1 separate.

2 whole independent individuals are now 1 whole interdependent community. That's what he's saying. 2 people are now interwoven with each other And for all intents and purposes, those 2 become 1. They become part of each other. No longer 2 means that we're interdependent No longer isolated individuals and that's a good thing compared to the not good thing about man being alone in Genesis chapter 2.

There was a phrase. I haven't heard this for a long time. It's sort of my generation and back. My parents generation would use it a lot. And you you would have heard it, I think.

Thing. But I I think it's interesting. I haven't heard it for a long time, and that is people would talk about my other half when they were married. Do you know that? They would always say my better half It would always be my better half.

That that sort of thing. And there's something really wonderful about that because they're half. They're half. They're half someone. If you if you kill 1 of them, they feel half.

When my when my dad died, my my mum was like half the person she she was. It was quite amazing the difference in her. And and that's that's how it works. My better half, 2 become 1. Now, that doesn't mean to say that we agree on everything.

That there are difficulties in 2 becoming 1, absolutely. Bitty Graham's wife Ruth Graham said, if 2 people agree on everything, 1 of them's unnecessary. You know? So you would expect, wouldn't you in a marriage with some disagreements? Wouldn't you?

You would expect that because you're working together. 2 becoming 1 is not 1 becoming the other. That's where marriages go wrong so often. I want my wife to utterly and totally and completely agree with me. Yeah?

And she wants me to totally and utterly agree with her. And there's then a separation. 2 becoming 1 is not 1 becoming the other. It's 2 becoming 1. That's the beauty of it.

So I don't think it's restrictive. It's not limiting. It's a good thing. It's made by god therefore it's beautiful. And really there's freedom in its fulfillment.

So he says, here's his little phrase again, his third 1, let no 1 separate. God's designed it and made it. It's 1 flesh, so now god's brought those together, don't separate. And that is wonderful news because it's on that rock of permanence you can build an intimate life. Isn't it?

Because I know that all the things that go on in my intimate life, there's a permanence about it. I'm not going to have it split off and someone then talk about me later on. It's a place of great togetherness only because it's a place of great security. Let no 1 separate. God is the creator of that unity.

God is the 1 that's join them together. This isn't just 2 people living together. And they ask, did you get it? And they ask, can we divorce for any or every reason? I think Jesus is pretty annoyed about that.

You wanna cut someone in half, do you? You've just come to me and said, do you wanna cut someone in half? Can we cut someone in half for any and every reason? Yeah. Now which blade should I use?

Should I use the chopper? Or what about the chainsaw? You know? Which Jesus, we're chopping someone in half. How do we sort of go about it?

Start from the head or from the crotch? Or what about the middle? He's pretty angry. This isn't a game. Don't break what god's brought together.

This is serious. Don't you be a god breaker? Who do you think you are? You come along and you casually ask in order to play your testing games with me Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? For any and every reason, you don't know god, and you don't know his word.

Now, I don't know about you, What would you have done with that? But there's something so awful about people that are looking for get out clauses. They just stick at it. There's no repentance. No.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Fine. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Marriage is good. So fourth point, the question. We have another question. Why then they asked ask, did Moses command a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?

Now, again, look, just get the context. There's no care for the little 1. Is that there's there's there's no there's no care for the context that we've heard vulnerable people and how we care for them. They think they're using scripture. They think they're on god's side.

But the horror of it is send her away. Do you see that? It's the opposite to all that we've been learning about going out and getting the little 1 back. Send her away. They're not acting like great in the kingdom of god.

Because great people in the kingdom of god care for the vulnerable. These are sending them away in my freedom. There's the question now the answer, my fifth point, the answer verses 8 to 9. Jesus replied, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard, but it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for ****** immorality and marries another woman commits adultery.

You notice they're permitted and they're commanded? See how they're twisting the scripture? Moses commanded. He'd command Jesus says, he permitted. There's a big difference, isn't there?

You you you come here thinking you're abate obedient to the law. Moses commanded us to divorce. He permitted. He permitted you divorce, and he permitted you because your law breakers. Your law breakers.

You're pretending to keep the law. I'll show you just what law breakers you really are. You see they're looking for loopholes again. You see that? They're always looking for loopholes.

They're actually really arguing about what adultery is, I think, and they're bringing up the issue of divorce. Is adultery? You know, can we commit adultery if we've had a divorce. I think it goes like that. Is it adultery if we've already divorced?

That sort of stuff's going on. I'll show you that in a minute from deuteronomy 24. But Moses in toronomy 24 says that you are to give a certificate to your wife a certificate of divorce, and the reason for giving a certificate of divorce is so that you limit the damage to her. So that you limit the damage to her. They're saying, if Moses allowed me to have a certificate of divorce, How many divorces can I do?

Can I then have another certificate for divorce because I don't like her and then go on and have another certificate divorce because I don't like her? So provided I've got provided I've divorced my wife. I think this is how they're thinking, then I can marry someone else and have *** with someone else, and that's not adultery. So how many divorces can I have? I think that's what's going through their mind.

And Jesus comes back and says, you mishandle, you mistreat, you misquote the scriptures. You deliberately do not understand the scriptures because your own sin. Moses is allowed. Moses permitted. He did not command divorce.

And he only did that because you are hard hearted. What this reveals is your heart. Even your question is revealing who you really are. So verse 8, Jesus replied, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard, but it was not that way in the beginning. Hard heart there means harsh hearts.

It means stubbornness. It means in sensitivity, it means cruelty. You see what Jesus is saying here? How far you have fallen from how it was in the beginning? You're the cruel ones and this law was for the protection of the women against your sin, which was putting them into an impossible situation.

In that culture. Your hearts are so hard to god's beautiful design that you've become marriage wreckers. So much so the only way out is to permit divorce for damage limitation of your hardhearted sin. But it was not that way from the beginning. You're not following god's ways.

You'll continue to divorce for any and every reason, but verse 9, I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for ****** immorality and marries another woman commits a adultery. The only real and original ground for divorce is something that has already broken the covenant, ****** immorality, adultery here. Not some reason for inconvenience or displeasure. And what you're really doing, he's saying, do you get this? You come here with your righteousness and saying you're following the law and you believe in Moses.

I'll tell you what you're really doing. What you're really doing even though it's permitted for you to have a divorce, what you're really doing is committing adultery. And your causing of vulnerable 1 to sin. And I've already said it would be better for a milestone to be around your neck than to cause a little 1 to sin. ****** immorality is the only justifiable covenant breaker he's saying in this text.

Now later on, Paul in the new testament expands on what Jesus said and he includes obviously death as a covenant breaker when 1 dies. And he includes, abandonment as a covenant break breaker when someone just clears off and gives you. And I would say that included in that whole covenant breaking thing is abuse because abuse is abandoning the covenant So abuse is definitely a covenant breaker. God doesn't intend a person to stay in a marriage if if it's abusive and abusive to children as well. But what Jesus is saying here, let's get it clear.

Before we look for, you know, get out clauses. Jesus is saying that sin wrecks relationships. But god in his kindness will be about damage limitation. And divorce is damage limitation. Sometimes.

And he's saying that if you are responsible for the breaking of the covenant, not always your fault. But if you are responsible for the breaking of the covenant, then you are responsible for the adultery if you remarry and if she remarries or spousey marries. You're the guilty 1. You come here with your righteousness and your guilty of adultery. It's very powerful stuff, isn't it?

Okay. We're nearly done. Believe me. I hope it hasn't been too much of a effort. But what is going on just before I come to a just to finish off the the story.

What is going on in deuteronomy 24? Well, if you just turn to deuteronomy 24, this is what get a bible, you need a bible and deuteronomy 24. So it's right at the beginning of the bible, it's like the fifth book or something, isn't it? Due toonomy 24. See what's going on here and you see what Jesus is really dealing with here.

I think, again, this helps us with the context. If a man marries, if you've got it, 24 verse 1, if a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house. See, that's what they're quoting. And if after she leaves his house, she becomes the wife of another man. Yeah.

So the divorce did mean that she could become the wife of another man. And her second husband dislikes her. I mean, there may be something wrong with her, I know. Her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her away from the house, or if he dies, then her first husband who divorced her is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the law.

Do not bring sin upon the land the lord god is giving you as an inheritance. Now this is permitted, but you see what's happening here, and this is what a lot of people think is happening I'm married to Anne. I fancy vera. I'm a godly man. I'm a pastor of a church.

I'm not gonna commit adultery. Adultery is out, isn't it? Gus, 1 of the big sins. Goodness to say, I'm far too godly for that. I give Anne a certificate of divorce.

We're divorced. I'm free. I'm Harry Vera. I have *** with Vera. Doesn't go as well as I thought it would.

I divorced Vira, or she died, or I I die. No, which way, anyway, I divorced Vira, and, I've got rid of Vira. I give her a certificate of divorce. I think actually Anne was better than Vira. So I go and remarry.

Do you see what it was? To give you an illustration of of what I think how this sort of worked out, I was in Lester Square many, many years ago, doing some evangelism late at night when I worked for London City Mission. And I, went up and spoke to a Muslim lad. And I said, oh, I wanna tell you about the lord Jesus Christ. And he said, oh, I'm a Muslim.

I'm a dedicated Muslim. I follow Allah. I follow Mohammed. Anyway, we got talking. And I said, what are you about to do?

He said, I'm just going to a prostitute. I said, oh, and what does Allah think about that? Oh, he said, no. He said, what happens is, my spirit comes out of me. I have *** with the prostitute.

When I finished, my spirit comes back into me, so I've done nothing wrong. And Alice says that's okay. Now, I don't know whether that's historic Islam or not, but that's what this bloke believe It's very convenient, isn't it? That's the sort of thing that's going on here. We're playing.

We're playing righteousness. We're playing adultery. We're playing ***. We're playing that we're righteous. And Jesus is saying, how dare you?

How dare you speak like that? How dare you? And so he wants to make the whole idea of remarriage difficult to make you think before you divorce. And so, among now 0.6, the statement verse 10. It's like a question, but it's a statement.

The disciples said to him, if this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry. If I can't have my way, it's better not to marry. You know, and they're so shaped by a male culture, aren't they? You're you're talking to me, but we have to forgive and reconcile and work hard at this. She bought the dinner for goodness sake.

And there's vera over there. A lovely vera. You're telling me, I can't selfishness in it. So there's a statement And here's my seventh point, the answer verse 11. Jesus replied, not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.

Not everyone can accept the message that we're talking lifelong permanent marriage here. So don't get married. You don't have to. It's a choice Marriage is a gift of god. It's not an automatic passage of life.

I think he's saying. It's not just the next thing you do in life. God gifts marriage, but he gifts singleness as well. And, he gives singleness in different ways. Look at verse 12.

For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there were eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others and there are those who choose to live like units for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The 1 who can accept this should accept it. I think what he's saying, and I really don't wanna get it too much into those details. But I think what he's saying is you can choose your lifestyle. You know, or god has given you a lifestyle and you just follow that lifestyle.

You don't have to change it. You don't have to get married, and you don't have to remarry. You don't have to do that. You can be a unit for the kingdom of god. Yeah.

And what you need to do if you're a child in the kingdom of god is think what is best for the kingdom, not what is right for you, what is right for the kingdom? What is gonna bring most blessing out of this situation? And it may be a messy situation. So you may wanna stay as a unit. You may wanna get remarried, but you've gotta think about these things seriously.

Don't just go into it. So here's my eighth thing, conclusion. I don't know whether that was clear or not. I really don't. It's so hot my brain is going, but this is my fifth talk this weekend, so you have to forgive me.

So here's my conclusion. I want to say clarity. In the confusion of our world, the lord Jesus Christ's concern is for the sanctity and beauty of marriage. That's number 1. Marriage is god made.

Yeah. We've got to keep a high view of marriage. It's not shacking up. You know? It's not people moving in together.

It's god's design and god brings 2 people together to become 1. When they're ripped apart, they're less than half. So here's 3 statements. It may be helpful to try to clarify this. Divorce is always a result of sin.

Divorce is always a result of sin, but not necessarily both partners. There's my clause. Divorce is always a result of sin, but not necessarily sinned from both partners. It may be just 1 person. Here's my second divorce.

I've put the word almost there, but because I'm just trying to sort of be careful. Divorce is almost always sinful. Divorce is almost always sinful, but not necessarily from both partners. Do you see that? Here's my third point.

Divorce is sometimes the only way to live in a sinful world. Divorce is sometimes the only way to live in a sinful world. That's me trying to clarify this. The other thing I want to say is compassion. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin nor is adultery.

They're not unforgivable sins. No sin is unforgivable except not turning to Jesus. If you don't turn to Jesus, you commit the unforgivable sin. How can you be forgiven if you don't turn to the 1 who saves you from sin? You'll die forever in your sin.

So hearts do get hard. All of our hearts it hard. Sometimes, don't they? And marriages die, and people lose hope, and children are lasting, are lastingly damaged by divorce. It's a mess.

Life is a mess. We live in a messy world. Yeah. But god is extravagantly generous to those who mess up lives. Extravagantly generous.

How does Jesus treat the woman at the well in John chapter 4? How many husbands does she have? How many? Was it 5? Or was it 4?

And the 1 you're living with isn't your husband? Or was it 5 and the 1 you're with Who can count? He was extravagantly loving to her. She became a follower of his. For our brokenness, whether as husband's wives, children in this fallen sinful wayward world, there's always an answer.

There is always the lord Jesus Christ. There is always his compassion. There is always his healing. There is always his forgiveness. There is always his spirit sent to us to help us deal with difficult things of forgiveness.

So clarity compassion 13, I want to say, remarriage. This is what everybody wants to know. Remarriage. Well, I'm just gonna read out these verses and you make your mind up. In Mark chapter 10 verses 10 to 12, Jesus is talking the same outline by the way.

Little ones, little ones divorce in the middle. Jesus, says it, slightly stronger. So we munch up to 10 verse 10. When they were in the house or this this happened afterwards, when they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered now listen, We're thinking about remarriage now.

Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery. Is that talking about remarriage? Is that saying you can't remarriage remarried? Is the breaking of the marriage while it's on par with adultery.

Does that mean that Jesus is saying, or don't remarry as as he would say, well, don't commit adultery? Is he saying that? Is that what he's saying there? Matthew chapter 5, is a sermon on the Mount. Trying to give you the bits in the Bible about, marriage, divorce, and remarriage.

He says it's been said, anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce, but I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for ****** immorality makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Is that is that excluding remarriage there? Is that excluding remarriage with someone who was a married and divorced? Make your mind up. 1 Corinthians 7 verse 10.

To the married, I give you this command, not I, but the lord, this is Paul speaking. A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband, and a man must not divorce his wife. The question there is, can adultery be forgiven, I think? That's the question.

Can you remarry? Can we remarry? Well, I think when we try to ask that question, we've gotta do that without being clever and trying to trap other people and be more godly than others. There's attention. And in many areas of the Christian life and in the church, their attentions, There's a tension between the preciousness of marriage.

We want the young people to know that when you marry, you marry for life. Stop thinking of get out clauses, or don't marry, be a ******. Well, we can sort that out. You know, we send you down the abattoir. But, you know, if you're gonna marry, you'd take this flipping seriously because this is god bringing 2 together.

You're not just shacking up with someone. Yeah. So we want to take this really seriously. But the other thing we want to take really seriously is the gospel of grace that God's love comes to those who mess up. Those 2 things are intention sometimes.

It's very hard to work them out. So here's my working out. Right? I'm sorry it's so long, but here we go. I think first, to the person that's divorced, first, there must be humble reflection and repentance on the be on behalf of the divorcee before they remarry or before they even think about it.

First, there must be humble reflection and repentance on the behalf of the divorcee. The demand for a yes, no answer about remarriage for any particular situation, give me a yes, give me a no, is a pharisee question. There must be reflection. There must be repentance. And if there was any real fault, and I'm talking about real fault, not just arguments and things you've got wrong a bit in a marriage.

If there's any real fault on your part for this marriage to end in divorce, you need to pent. You need to deal with it. If there's any real fault in the fact that you are a marriage breaker, you've broken what joy god joined together. You must feel the weight of that. Feel the weight of that sin, and then feel the weight of it taken off as you see that Jesus Christ died on the cross for that.

You'll love him more, you see. And don't just jump into another relationship. Go to the elders of the church. Now, this is my unique thinking on this. I doubt it.

I bet you Calvin wrote it years ago, and I never read it. But this is what I think. I think church and the elders are essential for this because if they know you and they know what you've gone through, they understand you and they're gonna be able to advise you. Go back to chapter, Matthew chapter 18 and verse 18, please. Because in the middle of all this stuff, about little ones and stuff, just look at this.

This is when someone sins and they're invited back, you know, there's steps back. We saw that last week. Listen to last week. Then he says this. Truly I tell you.

Whatever you bind on earth. Now he's talking, I think, about the leadership of the church here. Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever you lose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly, I tell you that if, 2 of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, if will be done for them by my father in heaven. For where 2 or 3 agree in my name, there they will be, there, there I am with them.

Now, the contact of that is that he's talking about, you know, rescuing someone that's gone away. My feeling is that we these issues are so deep and so hard and it's so complicated for us to to read ourselves sometimes. That you need the elders of the church to say you shouldn't remarry. Or yeah. You should.

You can. The trouble is in church, there are members that wanna hear everything, and the leaders of the church need to be trusted if they're biblical people. And they can't always stand up say, well, I'll tell you why, you know, we're allowing Fred to remarry because his wife was bonking everyone down the road. You know? I mean, goodness, me.

She'd come out at church on Sunday, and all of men would be lining up. How could you say that? Yeah? You can't talk like that. So the elders know stuff and they know why this marriage broke up.

And they understand, and they're praying, and there's reflection, and there's repentance. And they're saying, no, this person now I think is mature enough. And they've dealt with the issues. Do you see that? Or there might be someone that No.

They they haven't dealt with the issues. No. There there wasn't particular reason for them to get divorced. They they they need to they need to think hard about this and your best doctor remarry yet. At least you there needs to be repentance in this area.

So my feeling is If we're talking about remarriage, to see what tends to happen is, people get divorced, then they meet someone, and it's all very exciting. Then they come to the elders and say, will you marry me? And it's just done too quickly. And and we need to listen and we need to repent and we need to hear. That's what I think.

Second thing is we must apply the gospel, as I say, sinners and law breakers, come to the cross, come broken hearted to the cross. Come humbly to the cross. And of course, if there are children involved in this break up, you've got to think of the consequences for them and remarriage. It may be good. It may be bad.

You've got to ask those hard quest and is remarriage going to serve the gospel? Maybe best to be a ******. You know? You don't have to remarry. Maybe best to be a ******.

Maybe you were forced to be a unit. You didn't have any choice in this divorce. You didn't want it, but maybe it's best to stay as you are. So in 1, Corinthians chapter 7, that's what Paul's argument is. Stay as you are.

Stay as you are. If you're married, stay married. If you're not married, stay up, not married. Be content for the gospel. So I think there's that stuff going on.

Thirdly, let's just say this Christians will disagree on where the line is. I think it takes wisdom and it takes prayer, and it takes repentance and reflection. And we're gonna disagree on where the line is, and we may get things wrong, but we have the backing of Jesus. He'll help us make decisions. The fourth thing is to say see the glory in all of this.

There's a new creation coming where there's no divorce. There's a new creation coming where we're married to the lord Jesus Christ, and there never be divorce. And all our potential will come out as the partner of Christ, and see the kindness of god coming into this really messed up world who people who have twisted his word and not listen to his word, and it's so messed up because of our fault, the glory of god in coming into this world to deal with us and to forgive us and to die for us. Then the last thing is, see the church. What a wonderful place this is.

Because whatever our failings are, however much we've sinned, if we're in Christ were accepted as god's children and we're fellow believers in the body of Christ. Right. Okay. Sorry. I'm stopping.

Have a minute to chat or to wake up. On your tables, and then we'll try and deal with some questions. Okay. We've got, 10 minutes. Let's have a go.

Any thoughts, questions? You're very welcome to disagree with me. But not with Jesus. Yes. The question was, so someone divorces, so let's say the man divorces the the woman and the the woman had no, there was nothing wrong what she did.

She didn't do anything wrong. There was no ****** immorality. He just didn't he's fed up with her and didn't like her and, once divorcing divorces, he then remarries can't you say that, for the the original wife that he's now, committed adultery. Therefore, she can remarry it. Yeah.

You can play around like that. And and I would say, yes, of course. I think, yes, of course. But I still think there's gotta be reflect there's gotta be an honesty. Why did this go wrong?

You know, we're not wanting to pile guilt on people. It's not what we do as Christians, but it's worth us asking. And that's why I really think elders come in here. Good, godly, eldership, that know the situation, that know the couple, that know what's going on, to really ask those questions. So together you explore and say, well, oh, god.

You don't have to remarry. And it may be not good if you do. You know, for you. So that's how I would wanna be working this out. I'd be wanting to take the principles and work them out for individual people.

And I think more than personally, more than having underlying laws on these issues. I think there's much more of principles, strong principles, marriages made by god, divorce is wrong, divorce is sin. It's nearly always sinful, I wanna take those strong things, and then through the gospel, try to apply that to individual people. And that's hard, and that takes wisdom, and that takes prayer, and that takes looking at god, and that takes, trying to work out the heart. That's what I think.

That's why church is so important. See, what often happens with divorce people in church? They divorce. They go then to another church. I think that's often a disaster.

They go to another church because they feel, oh, I've done bad and people will judge me, and they go to a and that's not often not true. They go to another church, then no 1 knows them in that church. And therefore, the elders don't really know what's going on. And before you know it, they get married, and then that goes wrong again. Do you see what I'm saying?

So I'm saying local church is really vital to this is what I think. Yep. Okay. So there's a there's a loving marriage, but something goes wrong. There's a ****** immorality.

It's just a 1 off thing. It's not a characteristic thing. It's a 1 off thing. It's that sort of thing you're saying. Then, is it good for them to stay together for the children's sake?

Yeah. If they can? Yeah. It's very good because we know that children brought up with a mother and father, you know, do better. There's just you can't get away from this these statistics.

And so it's a good thing because it's a loving thing to do and it's it's showing you that you're not just demanding your rights. Now that can that may not always be able to happen. You know, some people just that that trust has been lost and it's extremely difficult to to bring trust back and a person may not be able to deal with that and they have a right then to divorce in that situation. But, you know, that's why again church is good, caring, loving, helping, helping people to learn to forgive, thinking about how much sin I've been forgiven, and therefore I need to forgive those who have sinned against me. You know, all of that comes into play, all of that stuff in in, in, Matthew 18.

Yep. Why is it my children asking these questions? We would have been better off. Who is Vira? I I deliberately took a Vira because I can't think of 1.

Yeah. But so, yeah, so the question was, non Christian couple living together, had children, been together, set up home, love each other, all that sort of stuff. 1 becomes a Christian, then the church is saying you should separate. What what I don't get that. So there's no way I would be saying that.

But you know, not if it's like you've said, personally. I don't know what the I'm not an elder, so I don't know what the elders think. Yeah. Any anybody wanna disagree with that? Yes.

This is where we we could get really petty and some I think some Christians do. A couple come into the church. They join Cornerstone. They've both been divorced and they've remarried. And I I I would take their marriage as a marriage.

Yeah. Why wouldn't I? And and you have to take that as a as a marriage. Otherwise, you're saying you're living in adultery. Every time you go home, you're living in adultery.

Now there are some that would want to say that, but that's not how it works in life. And, so to me, they're married. They may have even really sinned and and disobeyed their leadership, and there may be issues that you have to sort out and think about. It may be that I as a minister of the church wouldn't have remarried them. So, you know, Andy Brilliant, you know, we we love and it's it's such a great bloke.

He wouldn't remarry he wouldn't remarry people. And, and, that have been divorced. But he will have them in his church as members of the church, church. And you say, well, that's inconsistent. Yeah.

We're inconsistent. We are inconsistent because it's hard to work these things out, but we don't go against our conscience. And so it's good, isn't it? That he would say I'm not going to remarry you, but you're very welcome to come to our church when you've been married, you know, whatever. And I think I think I think that's how we would take it here at Cornerstone.

Yep. Okay. Any anything else? 1 last question? Yeah.

I suppose that means that it's plausible at some point. Yeah. Yeah. Or or they go to the just get on with it with the registry office, you know, who wants this white wedding? You know, once you've done 1 of them, you don't want another 1.

So yes. Exactly. So, yeah, I think that's I think that's right. And we we've got to follow our conscience on these things and we have. And and our conscience, you know, we we don't wanna keep our conscience in in prison.

We've gotta keep looking up the scriptures and and seeing are we right on this and that sort of stuff. But, you know, if we think the scriptures are saying that there is no such thing as remarriage, then then I I respect people. I don't take that position, but I respect I respect people. And I think we've got to respect those differences. And I don't wanna walk out of a church that is different to me on this issue.

You know, we're we're we're different on this issue and I wanna be committed, because I think that and now if they're sloppy and they're not taking marriage seriously, that's a different issue. Yeah. These are really difficult issues. These are really difficult issues, and that's why we need to pray for eldership to be bold and kind and honest to those in the church that are going through these things. We need to be praying regularly.

That's why we should come to the prayer meeting because we need the lord Jesus Christ. To help us. We have to have his help. This is his church, not ours. So let's pray.

Yep. Over to you. I didn't mean let's pray now, but let's go to the prayer meeting. That's what I meant.