Song of Songs 2019

1176. Ephesians chapter 5, 1176, if you're using the Church Bible, Ruli is gonna read to us, and then Pete will open up the passage to us. So reading from first 15, Be very careful then how you live, not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the law's will is do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with a spirit, speaking to 1 another with Psalms, hymns, and songs from the spirit, sing and make music from your heart to the lord.

Always giving thanks to god the father for everything in the name of our lord Jesus Christ. Submit to 1 another out of reverence for Christ. Wives submitting yourself to your own husbands as you do to the lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church his body of which he is the savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. To make her holy cleansing up cleansing her by washing with water through the through the word. And to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself, After all, no 1 ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church.

For we are members of his body, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the 2 will be 1 flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each 1 of you also must love his wife as his as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. We've been doing this series. We've been doing a series, most of you know, in song of songs, a book, a poem, a song, in the old testament.

And, I want to do these next 2 ceremonies this and next week. In, going over some of that ground again. Now in in preaching, song of songs, I I wanted a very simple emphasis. I wanted to to show Jesus, really. That was really what I wanted to do to show Jesus and his love for his people, the church.

I I actually just wanted you to revel in, in his love so that it would produce a responding heartbeat from from us to Christ's love to us. So my aim really was very, very simple that Cornestone church would be bold over with the love of Christ for us. And that would give us security in in whatever we're going through in life, and some are going through great trials. But whatever we're going through in life, we would understand This great security that god loves us in Christ. Christ loves his people.

And, and really, that's what I wanted to do. And so I took out a lot of application for for marriage because I wanted to focus in on Christ's love for us so that you would trust him. You would trust him at his word for your life so that you would see that he's trustworthy because he loves us. And even though What he says may be against culture, against how you feel, it may contradict your feelings, We trust him because he loves us, and he wants the best for us. And if we understand we're well then I think it really should change us to be followers of him and and trust him.

And that's what I I hoped would happen in song of songs. I have no idea whether it did touch you, and I I I I longed for it too. So we looked at this relationship then between King Solomon and the Schulamite woman of a great rich king and this very poor girl. And, we worked through their relationship to see this bigger cosmic reality behind their relationship. Their relationship was an image.

It was a picture. It was a shadow. Of a real, bigger, wonderful love. Poor writing, we've just read it in the book of Ephesians, In Ephesians 5 32, he says, when he's talking about human marriage, he says, this is a profound mystery. I'm talking about Christ and the church.

So please meditate on those things that we've looked at in this series. Perhaps get the recordings out. Have it as a summer series for you. Listen to it. Think through Christ's love for us.

But Paul then goes on, and in Ephesians 5 verse 33 says, however, so he says, profound mystery. I'm talking about Christ and the church, and he says, however, Each 1 of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. He pulls us back again, Paul, back to the picture, back to us. So god designed marriage to be a picture of Christ's and the church, but then he comes back. He brings it back to us.

So the question is when people look at marriage, When they look at your marriage, how clearly is Jesus and the church in focus? When they look at your marriage. How clearly is Jesus love for his people? So I wanna briefly revisit song of songs this this session and as I say next week, and I want to look at some practical marriage advice. That's what we're doing.

People have asked for that. I've I've tried to just focus in on Jesus and the church, but we're gonna come back and just have a look at some practical marriage advice. How to make marriage a better picture of the reality? That's what we're thinking about. I'm trying to be as practical as possible.

So this is gonna be a really strange sermon. We're gonna be all over the place. You'll need your bible in your hand. We're gonna look up bible passages. But I I want to to want to show that.

Now, if you're not married, don't turn off because actually this really applies to relationships but particularly your relationship to the church. There's application here. Here's the first thing. Here's the first lesson then. I want to go over.

As we revisit song of songs, that marriage needs a mission. Marriage needs a mission. Marriage needs something bigger than itself to survive. A goal, that's what marriage needs. A goal for both the husband and the wife to Amat that is actually bigger than themselves.

Marriage is never an end in itself, and that's what we'd been seeing, and that's how I had taken, song of songs, The meaning of marriage is a display of this covenant keeping love between Jesus Christ and his people. John Piper, an American preacher writes this. Listen to this. In marriage, you are placed at a post of responsibility. Towards the world and mankind.

Marriage is more than something personal. It is a status. It is an office. Do you hear that? Marriage is a status, is an office, is a responsibility you are displaying.

You are displaying Christ and the church. So marriage is much more important than just your happiness. It's meant to be a gospel proclamation. All that I am I give to you, all that I have I share with you. That's what Christ has done.

All he is, he gives to us, all he has, he shares with us. That's what Christ has done. And we're to image that. If I can see that marriage has a bigger mission than my immediate happiness, then I can survive an unhappy marriage. Can't I?

I can not only survive an unhappy marriage. I can put energy in that unhappy marriage to try to make it better. Marriage is so important. It's worth our energy. It's worth working hard at.

It's worth our recommitment to it. Marriage is not about you and not about your fulfillment. It's about something bigger. It's a bigger mission than you. It's about the glory of god seen in Christ love for the church, and we saw this in song of songs.

We saw that here was a love poem written by a man and written by a woman for each other celebrating their relationship and marriage. We saw the King Solomon and the Schulomite woman be up behind that and beyond that. And bigger than that, and higher than that, and greater than their poem, their song for each other is a song for Christ's grace. And love for us. Remember marriage is not a contra.

Act. I know people are trying to make it that, but that's that's a wrong definition of marriage. Marriage is a covenant A contract is an agreement with opt out clauses. A covenant is a promise, a pledge, A contract well, in a contract, 1 par if 1 party sort of violates that contract, then the contract is broken. In a covenant, the parties agree to uphold promises regardless.

Now I'll come to how marriages go wrong in a minute, but stick with me here. Marriage, covenant involves 3. Never 2. Man, woman, god, That's the marriage covenant. So here are a few questions to you.

Do you tend to treat your marriage like a contract with conditions. Is that how you treat your marriage? What conditions do you put on your spouse? What have you put on? You can usually see whether people have turned marriage into a contract rather than the covenant by resentment that goes on.

It's an indicator of conditionality. Someone hasn't lived up to their expectations. It's not what I contracted them for. So just have a think about this. How does understanding your marriage as a mission change things?

Would you ever think about that? How does how does understanding your marriage as a mission change how you're going to live in in that marriage. Now, just as in marriage, So as in church, we as a church are on mission. We're on a mission to witness to the world, And 1 of the great witnesses to the world is how we love 1 another so that they know we've been with Jesus because we have love for 1 another. We are to love.

So that's my first point. Marriage is a mission. We'll come back to that at the end. Here's my second point, which has loads of points. Okay?

I've only got 3 points, so I had to get a lot more points into the second point. Here's the second point. Here's the second lesson. These are just lessons. Okay?

Husbands love your wife. Your wife Well, someone else's, love your wife. As Christ love the church, That's my second point. As we read through, a song of songs, we saw many, many aspects of love. I mean, lots and lots of them, far too many for me to just jot down.

Here is this great king like Christ, loving this poor Cinderella type character. It's a beautiful, beautiful love story of the Schulamite woman. And husbands, I wanna challenge you to listen to those talks again. See how Christ love the church because he's your your example. So, to get them out again, have a listen to them, set aside something, Stop the box set.

You don't have to watch the latest box set. Spend an evening. Perhaps 1 week, of saying I'm gonna gather those talks together and instead of watching the box set, I'm gonna listen because my job my responsibility, my office, my calling, my god given commission in marriage is to love my wife like Christ loves the church. So how does he love the church? That's your task in this marriage mission.

It's to love your wife as Christ love the church. That is god's commission to you work out how you do that. Be committed to that. That's what you're called to. Forget your happiness.

Forget your pleasure and comfort. Do your calling. Put effort into that. There's a song. I hate it, actually, but I like the words.

Because I I really don't like musicals from King Off, Camelot, the musical. Have you ever. Ugh. But here's a good song, and it has these words. How to handle a woman?

If you wanna know how to handle a woman, some of you singles are just wondering how do I handle a woman? Yeah? Well, listen to this. Okay? If you wanna know how to handle a woman, all the women's heckles are getting up.

I don't wanna be handled where you should be. Listen. How to handle a woman? There's a way, said the wise old man, a way known by every woman, since the whole rigmarole began. Do I flatter her?

I begged him answer? Do I threaten or cajole or plead? Do I brood or play the happy romancer? He said smiling, no, indeed. How to handle a woman?

Mark me well. I'll tell you, sir, The way to handle a woman is to love her, simply love her, Mearly love her. Love her. Love her. Got it?

You got that? That's how you handle a woman. You love her. But that sounds all very nice, doesn't it? What does it mean to love her?

So let's spell it out. Here's the first thing. Love your wife by being committed to this covenant love. Love your wife by being committed to this covenant love, and so committed that she knows that you're committed She can see that you're committed. Just go to song of songs, chapter 8, and verse 6 to 7.

We've looked at these verses before, but song of songs chapter 8 6 to 7. Now I thought I'd written down all of the Page numbers, in fact, I have sorry? 6 85. 6 85. Page 6 85 in your bible, you need your bibles on cause I'm gonna turn you all over the place in this sermon.

So Soul songs, here's the first 1. Love your wife by being committed to this covenant love and committed in a way that she knows. So here is her. She's speaking chapter 8 verse 6. She says place me like a seal over your heart, set me on your your arm.

Now a seal is not the thing that you get Chessington World Adventure. A seal is a stamp of authority. If you're under the seal, you, you know, you own what the seal sort of owns. It's like the king's seal. You know that.

You know that. So she's very simply asking here that she'd be placed like a seal over your heart like a seal over your arm. In other words, the arm is the place of strength and the heart is the place of affection. She wants to know that he is putting energy into this mission marriage that he's committed to energy of love energy of affection and energy of strength. Love your wife by being committed to this covenant love.

Verse 6 then, place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For your love is a strongest death It's jealousy, unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire like a flaming, a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love. Rivers cannot sweep it away.

If 1 were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned. Husbands Your task in this marriage mission is to love so that even when there's the decay of death around, You love your wife. Even when the worst things are coming around to attack your marriage, to attack your covenant, to attack your love, to destroy it, you're stronger than it. Your love burns like a mighty flame in the middle of many waters. I think I said about Christ's love, it's like those those, those things, those towers, oil towers in the middle of the North Sea when there's water, all around, and there's this flame going up, and all this water doesn't put it out.

Whatever is attacking your covenant, whatever is attacking your marriage, even if it's your laziness, especially if it's your laziness, then you get up and you fight to the death You destroy the thing that's coming to destroy your marriage. You work at it. You think about it. You put your energies into it. That is your task.

That is what god has called you to, commissioned you to. When you got married, You weren't just joining up with someone so you you can make love to them. You were joining up with them and given a task, a responsibility, an office and this is it. You fight for love. Nothing will quench it.

You stick at it. Internal things that come to destroy it, external things that come to destroy it, but I don't love my wife anymore. I don't love her anymore. You have no right to say that. Have you given up on Christ?

Have you walked out on your lord that loved the church by giving his life for his people? I don't love my wife anymore. Who do you think you are? Walking out on your office, claiming to be someone who is powerful and strong, you're pathetic, you're weak Who do you think you are? Husbands, love your wife.

As Christ loves the church, and what did he do? He gave his life. It's across shaped, agonizing love. It's not all about being happy and personal comfort, is it? In fact, it's the exact opposite.

You can live to self and your marriage will die, or you can die to self and your marriage will live. Someone wrote this, love is the most costly is the most sorry. Love is the most liberating freedom loss of all. For a love relationship to be healthy, there must be a mutual loss of independence It can't be just 1 way. Both sides must say to the other, I will adjust to you I will change for you.

I will serve you even though it means a sacrifice for me and husbands you're supremely called to do that. That's your office. That's your task. You're to love like Christ loves the church. That's your job description.

Get on with it. Here's a prayer Just turn over to page 6 2 8. It's Psalm 139 verse 30 23 to 24. Here's a prayer. We'll probably come back to this.

I think Phil might bring us back to this at the end of the service, but Here's a prayer for us. It's very simple. Would you pray this? Under this first point, search me o god and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts, See if there's any offense in see if there's any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. Lord, where is it I need to die to self, to fulfill my calling?

As a husband, what areas do I need to die in? Search me, oh god. You know my heart. Test me. See if there's any offensive way in me.

Would you do that? Would you spend time thinking about that? Where do you need to change? Do you love your wife like Christ love the church? Are you laying your life down?

So back to some of songs because she responds and encourages this and he is encouraged by her longing that he will be like this. So, look at verse 6 again of chapter 8 place, Me, like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm, for your love is as strong as death. It's jealousy Unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire like mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love.

Rivers cannot sweep it away. If 1 were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned. Love your wives like Christ love the church. Wives respect your husband. Wives respect your husband.

And this is how she respects him. How, by longing and praying and encouraging him to be Christlike, by longing and praying and encouraging him to be committed to this covenant, to be about the mission of marriage. And the marriage of mission. And and I love verse 7, because it says, if 1 were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned. In other words, money can't buy you love.

She's not whinging on about more luxuries or a bitter better salary. What she's going on about is this big mission. She's not asking for more comfort. She's really wants her husband to be more committed to this covenant of love. That's what she's about.

That's what she's encouraging him in, and that what it is to for you to respect your husband. You're encouraging him to be about his job description and that's your job description, wives, to encourage him to be more Christlike. Not nagging him, but longing, praying, helping Releasing, maybe. So there's the first 1. Love your wives by being committed to this covenant of love.

You can see that applied to the church, can't you, even if you're not married? Be committed to this covenant people, encouraging. Here's the second Love your wife by adorning her. Solomon wants to adorn his woman, the shunammite woman. He he wants to beautify her go to chapter 1 and verse 9 this time of song of songs.

It's on page 6 86 80 And we've seen these. Let's have a relook at this. We've seen this apply to Christ in a beautiful way, but we're now applying it to our marriages. So, chapter 1 verse 9, I liken you my darling. You have to forgive his poetry.

He's a man, and this is ancient stuff, and I'm not seriously not suggesting that you call your wife a horse. Yeah? Unless it's, you know, like royalty because they all look like horses, and they I liken you my darling to a mayor. Hasson's uh-uh harnessed to 1 of the chariots of Ferro. In other words, you're the you're beautifully proportioned and and so forth.

Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, Your neck with strings of jewels, here we are, we will make you earrings of gold. Studded with silver. So what he's doing here on the surface is is just jewelry and perfume and clothes, and he wants to give her these things. He wants to give and spend money on her to beautify her. She's already beautiful.

He's not saying she's not beautiful, but he's generous to her. Money doesn't buy love. We've just seen that in the last point, but, for her husband to be stingy, to beautifying his wife is not good. To make beauty a god as the world does actually destroys beauty, But to despise beauty is not a Christian thing. To despise beauty is to despise the creator of beauty, to begrudge your wife, money, to be spent on her hair or her clothes, or whatever it is that makes her secure and happy and beautifies her is not right.

You are to adorn your wife. Men usually love block buying, often nonsense, I'm sure from the woman's perspective, but we love buying clothes and jewelry and flowers and whatever it is that the wife is into We like doing that because it's a way of us getting excited about you. So wives allow that to happen. But of course, it's not just beautify our wives on the surface. And that's a good thing.

Don't be stingy. Don't be a mean narciss. You know, some of these Christians the way they want a dowdy wife and, oh, no, I wouldn't spend any money on my wife. What think you are. But it's more than just skin deep, isn't it?

We gotta beautify our wives in other ways. Just turn to page 1 2 1 9. 1 2 1 9. It's 1 Peter chapter 3. The new testament part of the Bible.

Page 1 2 1 9. Here is Peter writing to wives, but there's so much to learn here. 1 2 1 9. Wives, he says. 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 1.

Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe the words, they may be won over without words, but by the behavior of their wives. When they see the purity and reverence of your lives, your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes, Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth. In god's sight. Now there's so many stuff there and it's addressed to the women, but I want the men to hear it because by the way, that's the type of woman you want. Don't just go for fancy hairdos and a bit of glossy lip lip stuff.

We we we can so be so fickle as men. We just see a glossy lip and it's what? I'm in love. No, you're not. It's just like the gloss.

You know? You can put that on a dog and you'd have the same reaction, you know? But, you go for the not just a hairdo, but the character This reverence, this beauty, internal beauty. That's the thing that lasts. See, what is beauty in a godliness?

It's a character formed by god's word. That never goes out of fashion by the way. That's who you want to partner with. And it's the husband's task to bring that about. My job in the marriage mission that I've been commissioned to and have responsibility is to produce a wife that's adorned inner like that.

That is our task, not with brutish whips, but loving word of god. Husbands, you are responsible for beautifying your wives in this way. Just go back to Ephesians chapter 5. I told you it would be all over the place. But Ephesians 5.

In fact, you can just listen to it because you've heard it read. Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Listen. Why? To make her holy cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish but holy and blameless.

You were trying to make your wife not have any wrinkles and you don't do that by going to some l'oreal cream. You don't do it that way. You do that by talking spiritually, getting them into the word of god. It is your job to do that, man. Encourage her, work with her, love her in the word of god.

Don't allow her to be dull and dowdy, spirit want her to be adorned and bright and fresh. Be passionate about her Don't be stingy with your wife and how she's growing. Enjoy the Bible together. Show her views of Christ that you have seen that have touched your heart, touch her heart with how your heart has been touched with Christ, win her heart to Christ Don't leave her to go to seed. Help her.

Help her with her vineyard. You see that in song of songs. Climb her vineyard, enjoy her vineyard, show her that she could bear more fruit from her vineyard. Help her with the energy to serve her man that she would serve her man, and who's her man? Christ.

Jesus, not just you. So young mothers here I mean, they get tired. They can get all their priorities wrong. I mean, they their minds go fuddy duddly. It's because his nappies and poo and wee and nipples and and and milk and, stink and clearing up and tiredness and and screaming babies and food and sick.

I mean, they've got to their life is swimming through poo and sick and and you know, they're up to here with They feel dowdy and their minds go. I don't I don't know if you probably have a go at me, some of you, but that's what it's like. Somehow, we need to speak into that. Bring the word of god into that. Give them space and time away from that so that they can hear the word of god.

Show them Christ in that. Take them away from just that confusion and mess, and perhaps get people to babysit so you could together come under the word of god and talk about it in that very precious time between leaving your child and the worrying about them and and then driving to church to hear but together you're there listening to the word of god and you're washing her and you're and you're you're cleansing her and you're making her holy and you're you're thinking about how she can have the word of god into this confusing messy work. That's your job, man. That's your task. You're called to no lesser job than that, not just to come home and slob out and say where's my dinner?

The lovely thing is that this love has this cleansing power on your wife to make her more like Christ, but there's a renewing there's a wonderful verse I found this week. In Isaiah, 62 where where god, you don't have to turn to it, but god is talking about marrying his people, and it's beautiful. Listen to this. See this this renaming that happens through love. Just listen listen to this.

And this is this is what ephesians is picking up as you wash your wife in the word This is the sort of thing that happens. Listen. No longer will they call you deserted? So he's looking at the wife. You're not gonna be called deserted anymore or your name or name you land desolate.

No longer will you be barren, but you will be called Hepsibar, which means my delight. Yeah. So here's the washing of this wife. And no longer are they barren and life is just endless nappy and, you know, and puke and all of this stuff but but suddenly they're they're coming out of the desert of that and this desolation and they're suddenly feeling that they're They're delights, they're my delight. And then and your land Bula, that means married.

I'm married. I've got a mission. For the lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married. See, there's a vision for his spouse, and we are to have a vision for our for our wives that we work and love and so love them. We bring them into spiritual freshness.

So she's adorned. So she comes out of a nappy land. I'm a delight. I'm married. Yeah.

And you know how you also adorn her? By you being godly, you husbands are an adornment to your wife. If you're godly, just turn over to 1 Timothy. Lots of verses I know, but stick with me. 1 Timothy chapter 3, it's on page 1 1 9 2, 1 1 9 2.

This is a passage in what you look for in men who are gonna be overseers. In other words, elders and deacons in the urge. But it's a passage not just for them because all men should wanna be like this Yeah? If you're gonna be an overseer, this is the minimum, but all Christian men should be like this And how would should we be like this? Well, when we're like this, we're adorn our wives.

She could wear us with with pride because we're godly. So this is it. Listen to this man. Now the overseer must be above reproach. The husband have put 1 wife, temperate, self controlled, respectable, hospitable able to teach.

That's for the the the that's the only thing that a leader needs to be able to do. All of this other stuff is a of what any Christian should be. Not given to drunkenness, not violent, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money, He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family How can he take care of god's church? He must not be a recent convert or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil.

He must also have a good reputation with outsiders so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap, Deacons likewise. Are to be men worthy of respect sincere, not indulging in much wine, not pursuing dishonest gain. They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. They must first be tested And then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons. The point is men that you adorn your wife by being like this And of course, you can apply that to the church, men and women will all to be like this.

You get the point. You love your wife by adorning her, so she's not dowdy and dirty and down. Both physically, of course, but spiritually, particularly. And you can be the good earrings or jewel if you are a godly person. Third thing, pushing on, love your wife by refreshing her and allowing her to refresh you.

Love your wife by refreshing her and allowing her to refresh you. Go to page 6 8680 in your bibles, It's song of songs chapter 1 verse 3. Again, we've seen this. Chapter 1 verse 3. Plasing is the fragrance of your perfumes.

Your name is like perfume poured out No wonder them, the maidens love you. Here she is speaking about him. He's like perfume. It's refreshing. Look at verse 12 and 14 of chapter 1.

While the king was at his table, my perfume spread fragrance. My beloved to me is like a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts, really intimate place. Refreshing. You stuck that there to get rid of the nasty insects that would come and bite you. So it's protection and refreshing.

Yeah? Right where my heart is between my breasts in the intimate place. Verse 14, my beloved to me is a cluster of hanna blossoms from the vineyard of Angetty. Look at chapter 2 verse 3. Like an apple tree, among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men, I did like to sit, in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.

Refreshing apple in the shade of a hot day. There's refreshment here. Oil, perfumes were used to freshen up and to protect and enliven and refresh. And in this relationship, there's fragrance and refreshness. Solomon refreshes her When she's with him, she's refreshed.

It's like in a lovely juicy apple, you know? All the sugars are going in, and I smell the but I give off a smell from my breasts. You know? It's intimate and lovely. Nothing crude and dirty.

It's beautiful, refreshing. Are you like that? Men? When you come home and the door opens and it shuts, is it like, Oh, I'm gonna be refreshed? Or is there another argument ready to be brewed?

If you come home to refresh, Is it a refreshing relationship? When you see someone all the time, In all kinds of normal situations, it's very, very, very easy to take them for granted. Will you hear me on this? They become like a piece of the furniture. And therefore, It's very easy to respond with habits and ways of doing things that don't actually really interact.

They're just phrases, they're rots. Even the tone and the energy of your voice, when you're around people that you should love most can be duller. When you're talking to people who are strangers, there's more energy and enthusiasm as in. And so you become livers instead of lovers You've seen those couples at restaurants. I hope you're not 1 of them where they just don't talk.

They just look around at other people. And when their eyes meet, it's a bit awkward, isn't it? Then they have to talk about the plum on the plate. Oh, that's a nice plum, isn't it? I didn't really like it, actually.

Well, I did. Well, I didn't. Why did you bring me here? Well, because I like the plum. Well, you know I don't like the plums here.

That's the only interaction that goes. I saw the opposite of this on a train, and it was 1 of the most beautiful things I've seen, and that's why I remember some time ago, but I really remember it. There was a a businessman I noticed because I do love sit if I'm on a I love people watching. And I watched him. He had a hard face, very hard face.

He was clearly a sort of businessman, worries, and all kinds of things stress on his face and, you know, bags and work and, you know, he couldn't let go of work, and then and then his wife got on the train. And I just saw him become more human. He started to relax as they talked. His face started the wrinkles started to go out. I'm sure his dark suit turned into colors.

He he'd livened up. Then they stopped again, and, and, and his, daughter and grandchild came on. And sat next to him. And he was playing peek a boo within minutes with his silly work that was all so important, but didn't mean a thing. Nothing like the relationships that he was now having, playing peek a boo with his kids.

And as the journey went on, and the time together that they had, they refreshed each other. It was a beautiful scene. Stop taking each other for granted. This is why we say to young couples, don't eat your dinner in front of the telly. Or the box set, talk, look at each other.

Some men, you have eyes only for your business deal, And even when you're looking at your wife, you're thinking about your work, she sees through that. You have eyes only for football or for winning at a computer game or for fishing or for gardening or your train set There's some men that are totally committed to a train set. Some men have their eyes on a thousand women, but not on their own wife. Love your wife. Some women, you have eyes on books on socializing, not your husband, Some women have your eyes on your children constantly so much that you forget your husband or your house or your housework or shopping or magazines or work.

You're thinking of work when you're looking at your husband. Or even the mirror to make sure that you look good just for yourself. There are habits of grumpiness and bad temperament this that you need to get out of and have some murney your breasts. Men, do you need to get excited with Christ? So that you're stretched a little.

This is why we do fight club. It's not just for preachers. It's not just for, you know, leaders. So that you're stretched theologically understanding Christ so that you could come home and refresh your wife with you being stretched for Christ. Are you just plotting on in the same old Christian walk that you've always done?

You're basically in Sunday school, and you've never grown up. But when you're stretched into spiritual adventure, Hey, let's go for this. Let's be committed to Christ a bit more, then the wife is refreshed and alive. And of course, that applies to church. Here's my last point.

Gosh. Love your wife by protecting her. Love your wife by protecting her. Page 6 8 2 chapter 3 verse 7 of song of songs, We saw this in a sermon with Christ. It's the marriage day, and it's Solomon coming.

I'll I'll be quick with it. But just have a look at verse 7, look. Its Solomon's carriage escorted by 60 warriors, the noblest of Israel, all of them wearing the sword and experienced in battle Each with his sword at his side prepared for the terrors of the night. That's Solomon. That's her man.

That's her man protecting her. Piper, if you read his stuff on marriage, he's constantly talking about protection and provision, protection and provision, not just physically. That is right. Not just food. That is good, but actually spiritually, we should have the sword out.

We're fighting for our wives. We're fighting for their attention to look at the lord Jesus Christ that they would love him more that they would be encouraged to follow him and that's what we're doing. We're fighting against the errors and lies of this world that are so dominant that will so take us up, it will kill all marriages. We're fighting against self and we're dying to self and living for Christ. We're gonna protect them.

We're gonna protect them with truth. We're gonna show them the word of god. We're the ones 60 warriors. With swords out, and there's a response to that. She's happy with that.

She said, look, there he is. So wives, the way you respect your husband's position is to respond. And, of course, you can see that in the church. These are some of the lessons we learn, but let me just come back to my first point. Marriage needs a mission I know we live in an imperfect world.

I'm not a fool when it comes to that. I know that there are people even in this congregation that are damaged and disabled and traumatized, and they're they're that as people. By the world, perhaps by your own sin, to some degree. And I know that that puts limits on the abilities to fulfill the ideal role that you're called to. And so you can feel overwhelmed and I can't do it.

I can't be like the the king or the Schulamite woman. Of course. But we have something to aim at And little steps are better than no steps at all. So work together to glorify God pray. Ask god to help you, to change in your relationship.

Work a card. You may not be like King Solomon. None of us are like Jesus. We're all taking baby steps and fall backwards and fall, you know, on our knees, but keep going. Do something.

It might mean that you make breakfast for your wife. That's all you do, but you've made a step. Might mean you just say, Should we pray together? Might mean you say, do you know what? We're gonna start our quiet times again.

Get morning and evening by CH spurgeon. Just read. It's only a few minutes to read and pray. Should we do that? You do it because I can't read.

But I want to suggest that you read it to me. And we'll pray together. Could you do that? I know. I know.

And I'm not a fool. I know that there are others that are here that have had abdication from responsibilities from their marriages, and it hurts you there's not much you can do about it. I understand that. And the Bible understands that. There are people that have so abdicated their responsibilities as a husband, that they've become not only abdicated but abusives and attack on the very covenant, and they are dangerous to us all.

And I know that there's no hope for that marriage, and that's why I want you to look to Jesus because he doesn't do that. Keep looking to Jesus and Cornerstone church, will you listen? We love people that have been broken in that way. We love and extend love to them. And some of us men are to be men for them help people in this situation.

So marriage is a mission, love by being committed to the covenant love and allowing our wives to see that. Love by adorning each other. Yourself as well, love by refreshing each other, growing in Christ so that you're a fragrant refreshment love by protection and providing love. Father we pray for all the married people here today that their marriages will be a better picture of Jesus and the church. That through them, they will be a clearer gospel proclamation But also as a church may we reflect our love for you Jesus by loving 1 another?

May the outside world see the love that we have for each other here in the family. May we be strong, not weak, not giving up on our marriage is not giving up on you Lord. Help us to know our hearts, help us to change where we need to change. Lord help us to encourage each other, to be committed to you, to help each other, to be more Christlike. As wives should want their husbands to be.

May we look to beautify each other with faith with Christ's likeness and godliness. Husband seek to cleanse your wives with the word. Lord may we be people who are excited by Jesus. And may we want to fight to love you more? Father god may we die to self and live for you.

In Jesus' name, our man.